Love in Asia.. Modern day mail-order brides?
This show pulls together a panel of foreign-descent wives married to Korean men. They discuss the struggles of language barriers, prejudice, adjusting to Korean culture… the standard trials and tribulations of moving to a foreign country.
I realize the connotations of my word choice - “mail-order bride.” It evokes images of men gleaning websites for their future spouses, much like they would for packaged product. They are “buying” women.
But the reality of the situation, at least in Korea and as portrayed by this show, is far less hateful.
The majority of the women hail from Southeast Asia - Vietnam, Philippines, Sri Lanka. They seek husbands in Korea for an improved lifestyle for themselves and their families back home. Because at this point in time, the Korean men are generally more educated and financially better off, this makes the marriage attractive for the women who sacrifice everything to move overseas.
What’s most interesting for me is the reason these Korean men take foreign brides.
The Korean men on this show could not find Korean women to marry.
Most of these men reside in the rural areas of the Korean peninsula, with an agricultural lifestyle, and often with aging parents to care for.
It was shocking for my family and I to watch this show broadcasted. Korean people, in my opinion, are very homogenous and thus racially and culturally conservative in their upbringing. There are always stories of interracial couples being humiliated and cajoled in the streets of Seoul. Traditionally, Korean men hold a belief that they must marry a Korean woman (and obviously other factors follow, such as a good cook, house keeper, bearer of children… but whatever). And despite it being 2012, I often find these same values even in my Korean American friends. I personally understand why they feel this way… and Koreans are as stubborn as a mule.
I get the scarcity of Korean women in rural areas and their unwillingness to marry these men. At first it saddened me that they were fleeing their roots, but a little pang of guilt made me think- isn’t this a bit like why my family moved to the states? We will all chase what we believe is better.
Then I was surprised to see how positive the Korean communities received these women of different color. Aren’t… rural communities supposed to be way more conservative and resistant to change? Watching 70-year old Korean mother-in-laws give cooking lessons to her Sri Lankan daughter-in-law… these were foreign yet poignant images to my family. Whether this started as a desperation for women to bear their grandchildren, or to take care of the family- the fact is that they’re living as loving families.
What may have started as a necessary solution to single Korean men in rural communities, I wonder, could it help ease the fundamentals of Korean psyche that is marred with resistance for what’s different?
This makes me want to go back to visit. Perhaps the images I conjure up of modern-day Korea is more dated and prejudiced themselves.
